I have been this way my whole life. I was on Ritalin and Thorazine from the age of 6 and up until we moved to Germany when I was 14. I blame my shortness in height on the Ritalin. I am the shortest person in my whole family and I have joked for years that I was adopted because all of my cousins tower above me. When I say I am wired for sound that is no joke. I am one of those people that can’t stay focused for long. When I was in school and someone dropped their pencil, I looked. If someone shifted in their seat, I looked. I ran camera at church yesterday, and I obviously still have this problem. All of the people that walk in late do not go unnoticed by me. I see them in my peripheral vision, and I turn to look.
I remember the few times I studied relentlessly for a test, and when it was time to take the test, my mind went blank. It was as if I never even opened a book. I learned quickly it didn’t matter how hard I tried to understand it wouldn’t stay in my brain. I never gave up though. I still tried. Math and English were my two worst subjects. I didn’t think I would ever need either of them in my adult life because I was going to be a long haul truck driver. It’s funny how life turns out. I use math every day in my business, and the English part, well, lets just say I am grateful for grammar checkers on the Internet. You probably would not understand anything I say here if it wasn’t for the checker.
I can not be still. Ever. When I talk on the phone, I pace the room, back and forth the whole time I am on the phone. I have a friend that gets angry with me all the time because I am always doing something while on the phone. He will ask if he can have just five minutes of my undivided attention. Do you have any idea how difficult that is for me? To just sit down and talk, just talk? The whole time I am thinking there are several things I could be doing while talking on the phone besides just sitting there talking. If I am watching a movie at home, I am usually doing something else also. Knitting, flipping through a magazine, searching the Internet, something. I of course can’t do this at the theater. I have to sit there for an hour and a half or more, and it’s not an easy thing for me to do. That is probably the reason why I eat a whole large bucket of popcorn by myself.
I purchased a DVD set from www.thegreatcourses.com on writing. It is titled Analysis and Critique: How to Engage and Write about Anything. I couldn’t get through or concentrate on the first lesson which is only 30 minutes long. I don’t know if she is just super boring or I’m just not interested. This is the reason why I didn’t go to college; I would have flunked out the first semester. I made it through high school by the skin of my teeth; I wasn’t going to test fate with more school work. It’s not that I’m stupid; my IQ is in the “Very Superior Intelligence” range. I just don’t study well. My poor brain never stops. I am never NOT thinking. My brain spins with ideas, thoughts and things that I have to get done. I keep pads of paper with me always to write things down on. In front of me right now are five different pads with “stuff” written on them. All have things on them that I am working on right now.
This disease is a curse and a blessing at the same time. A curse because of the reasons stated above and a blessing because I stay on the go. From the time I wake up until I crash at night I am on the go. I hit the ground running, and I don’t stop until I crawl back in bed at night. I don’t know if this will keep me young or age me faster. I do on occasion take a “me” day. My “me” days are just that. ME ME ME! Draperies are drawn, phone is off, and I stay in bed all day, watching one movie after another, and getting out of bed to get something to eat (I take it back to bed with me). I take a couple of naps, read a book and play on the Internet. Try it sometime; you also might enjoy a “me” day.
This is my journey…